Frustrated. Can there be a new me?

Okay, so I've been thinking for some time now (especially with people like Jess & Karilynn both working so hard to change themselves) that I want to try to jump on the band wagon myself and really finally make that lifestyle choice to look better and be healthier. Now your whole life whenever you say the stuff like "Oh, yeah, I think I need to lose weight" a lot of the times anyone who is (or ever has been) bigger than what you are say things like "Oh you look fine...look at me!" I don't even wanna hear that from anybody, cuz the fact is that I'm 5'6" (roughly) at (currently) 160lbs. and I barely have enough energy to make it thru my work week, and sometimes I can't make it thru the work week. I'm am happy that in the last month and a half (give or take) I lost about 10 pounds because I've had a sudden loss of appetite and have been eating less. However the last time I actually checked my weight and realized that then I'd only lost another pound, that was when my brain said, "Okay, eatin' less is only gonna take you so far...now you gotta do your part too."

I gotta say though it's so frustrating for me  and right this moment I want to do it and I feel like I can be motivated to do it...but at the same time I really feel like I'm having to go this alone and that alone I think could end up being my biggest downfall. Tom and I have talked before about both wanting to lose weight and he's said that I might have to push him to get him going. But today when I was finally feeling ready to actually get out and bust ass, he just shrugged and kinda did that "I dunno...." look that those men babies do.

So I went outside alone and all I did really was a few exercises that I could remember from P.E. (and that cool kick thing from my Dad's Tae-Bo tapes), then I took a walk (brisk, but no running) just all around the trailer park and I won't lie when I say I hurt like complete hell! I wasn't outside for maybe about 15 minutes total (and I stopped for a breather a couple times during the walk). I just have a hard time picturing myself being able to expect more than that from myself. And I'm so scared that if I can't get Tom to really want this as much as I do, that I'm going to fail and I know it's selfish of me to say that if I can't do it that it's because he wouldn't do it with me. So, what kind of person does that make me? But at the same time, I really AM scared that if I don't have someone doing this with me that I am going to give up. *sigh*

I just want to be healthier. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not seriously wonder what the hell it is that Tom sees in me. I want to look in the mirror and be able to say "Yessiree Bob, that Tom is one lucky son of a bitch." But it's not like that right now. I'm embarrassed of what I look like. I was embarrassed to be at the beach with my sister and I thought she looked so good in her 2 piece suit (after just having a miscarriage no less) and I felt fat in my one piece! I had all my fat hidden behind my swim suit and I was still hoping that no one there decided that they were going to pay us any attention!

Point is that I'm not happy, and if anyone has any tips or can tell me how you got past this point I'm at now...I could really use it.