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No special font, no special color. Just me trying to waste a few minutes while I wait for Tom to finish whatever he's doing so we can head to bed. A bit of news that I forgot to mention when I posted the other day. Tom and I have actually started talking more seriously again about wanting (and needing) to finally buckle down and get ourselves married. So pending that we can get just a bit of money saved up (meaning really if things don't get worse than now..hopefully) then we're thinking we might like to actually tie the knot in the next couple to few months. For obvious (I think) reasons we're planning something small. We'll get married in Las Vegas with really only our immediate families there (that's no offense to anyone who might want to be there...it's just that places that we think we can afford to go don't accomidate for that many people). So, it's not going to be the big wedding that I think we were both hoping for, but I think that after so many years of waiting for some money miracle to happen that we've both just decided that it's not worth it or even fair to either one of us to continue this way. =) So, I'm pretty excited about that.
Tom and I did have a...well, we'll call it an unpleasantry, last night, which I'm sorry I won't go into. It involved a lot of yelling and screaming and throwing of the car keys and me driving (with Dawn now instead of Tom) to pick up dinner at pizza hutt and the poor woman had to sit there listening to me bitch about how her son was being an ass. (For the record: She was a real trooper and with not having my own mother and sisters last night...I was so grateful to have her with me.) When we got back I wasn't really sure what to do at first so I didn't say anything to Tom (cuz I was like really, really mad) and within a few minutes of being home Tom asked me over to him and gave me a kiss and then he just held me and he said, "I'm so sorry I blew up at you...there was no reason for it, and I'm so sorry" And my insides just about did a back flip while turning inside out and twisting. I started crying cuz I just couldn't help myself. In the 8+ years that Tom and I have been a couple...through everything Tom has never once been the first to apologize after a fight. He's always been 'the winner (or loser depending on your view)' as far as the stubborness goes.... Until last night. When he told me he was sorry and I could tell from his voice that it was sincere and that he finally after all this time let his wall go down just to keep me from hurting....it meant more to me than I could have ever thought possible. I don't even think he realizes how much and that just makes me love him all the more cuz I know Tom better than he probably knows himself, and to stand up like that and openly admit that he was wrong...it couldn't have been an easy thing for him to do.
So now I'm just waiting for Tom to be ready for bed cuz I had to go to work shortly after everything went down last night and to be honest I'm dying to be back in his arms again and getting back to that feeling of being safe and protected. So I think I will push him along and call the entry here. I thank anyone, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, who read this, and if no one does I know it's still good to get these things off my chest. After all...that's what journals are for. Peace and Love.