It's begining to feel a lot like Summer....

I'm thinking it might be close to time to finding a better place for my wallet/purse than the pocket of my jacket as it's starting to feel like I won't need to have that on my person where ever I go anymore. *sigh* Which means I'll probably have to either buy an actual purse to put it in...or buy a new wallet that's more convenient and can just fit into a regular pocket. :o( I hate spending money.

It seems to be exceptionally hot today...at least it seems to be for how hot it has gotten so far this year. Yeah, it definitely seems like summer is finally hitting, and sadly I don't think I'd touch this parks pool with a 10 foot poll. O.o

I don't like all this heat. It makes me frustrated. Well, I'm already frustrated with things, but the heat makes it worse. Sad thing is the heat also makes Tom's mom more frustrated, which in turn makes her all the more frustrating. It's a vicious cycle. One I wish I could just skip. Too bad life can't be that simple, eh? I mean, I know it really CAN be that simple, but only to an extent. I mean yeah Tom and I could just say "We can't take this anymore!" and move our happy selves away from my one day in laws, but then there'd be the issue of "Where the hell do we go?" and "Okay cool..now we gotta find new jobs so that we don't have to live on the street!" Good times! Good times! Granted, moving back to Utah is always an option and I'm sure that if we ever decided to go that rout that my loving Mother would find some way to fit us into the packed Hurricane house, but I really don't think moving in with a lot of people is what I need right now. I don't want to hurt peoples feelings by any means, but I think Tom and I need a chance to just be on our own for a little while. While we're not technically married yet I do consider him like a husband to me and the fact that we've had his sister and mom connected (by their choice, not ours) to our hip...well it's hard to explain. I'd not be against moving back to Hurricane if we could manage it, but I'd want to be able to just move into our own place. Nothing against all my family there, in fact I'd be hurt if my wonderful sisters didn't come over often. It would just be nice on the occasion that Tom and I just want some us time that we could say "Maybe tomorrow would be better" or even "in a few hours". Just so we can have some 'us time'.

I'm not sure why I ever write here anymore. I really don't think anyone ever reads. Jess might on occasion I guess but since she doesn't respond I have no way of knowing...Also I know that all I tend to do here is complain about whatever is bothering me that particular day and it's usually the same stuff. LoL!

I do have one thing to mention that I am quite pleased about. Diet Cherry Dr Pepper. I'm telling you it's God's gift to me as apology for just about everything else sucking right now. ^_^ It's definitely gotta be my favorite Diet 'cherry' flavored soda. Which probably isn't a good thing cuz on a night off I kid you not I can down a whole 2-liter. 0_o

And now I must bid you farewell. I have to make myself go to bed soon, and I'm hoping I can fall asleep as I've only been awake for about 12 hours. Farewell!

~Monica

04-08-10

It's been a while. I guess I've just been too busy with work or too downright exhausted from said work to take the time to write. I've decided that today is as good a day as any to jot something down though...so here I am!

I still have 2 nights of work left this week and I already feel like I'm going to drop. It doesn't help that plano's schedule was thrown off a day this week and goes back to the norm next week. Meaning? That I only get a 1 day weekend after a 40 hour week and then I have to jump right back in for another 40 hour week. What I wouldn't give to be able to be a stay at home wife and mother. Hell....what I wouldn't give to be a wife and mother period! I mean, I know some women feel a need to be out in the work force and wearing their own pants, not letting a man take care of them, so to speak... I am not one of those women. Teach to to cook and sew and let me see to things at home during the day and I think I could be quite content. Too bad Tom's job is no better than mine and he works less hours to boot. So since I'm pretty much the bigger money maker my default right now I guess (at least for now) that's how it's gonna be. *sigh*

So right now I'm just waiting for Tom to finish up whatever he's doing over at his computer so that we can go to bed. I know I'm always waiting on Tom to go to bed and I know that I could just head on in without him. I just like going to bed with him better than without him. :o) He's like my special teddy bear and I don't fall asleep as easily without him there.

Well maybe I'll go and see if I can convince him that it's that time. We have to get up this evening to go to Grandma's house for showers before work and I know the alarm is going to go off all too soon. Much love and peace.

Monica

Long night...

So we are setting the hardware section of the store this week and every single isle is moving to a new location. Today I actually got a 1/2 hour of over time and it was only the first day. Yikes! Granted more days like this, this week would be nice come next payday, but I'm so exhausted it's not even funny!

So right now I'm pretty much waiting for Tom to give word that he's ready to head to bed. I don't think it should be much longer since he has to be up kinda early for a raid, but with Tom it's hard to say.

Moglie is chewing on one of his raw hides we bought him... and is doing so on my lap. *sigh* I love my baby boy, but the sound of his teeth grinding on that thing drives me up and down the wall. Hahah! He's so cute though so I haven't made him move. Guess I'm just patient that way. ((And as if he knew I was talkin' about him he just dropped the raw hide and jumped up to lick my face....slightly clawing at it in the process -ouchness-.)

Okay that's all for today. I'm too tired to try to think of anything else of interest...

I'm bad at shopping....

As in...I'm pretty sure I'm not doin' it right. I didn't spend a single penny when I went shopping with Heather and Jenn today. Not one! I mean I went out with the mindset of "okay, I'm not gonna spend a lot...I'm gonna be good!" and I didn't buy a damn thing. Hmm...it was still a lot of fun though. :o) Won't go into detail about all the stores we went into (cuz well honestly, the first store was an easy one 'the gap' but most of the stores after that I don't even remember the names of). I'll just say that wooowee. Those places are EXPENSIVE! Yeah I think on my budget that my shopping extraveganzas (yeah, I know that's way off, but I'm too tired to care) are going to be limited to Walmart. LoL!

Anyway though...it really was a lot of fun just getting to go out and have some fun with the girls. That's something that I really don't get to do much since I moved to California and I missed it terribly.

So we had fajitas and spanglish rice at Heather's house after we finished with our shopping and that was all pretty good. :o) We also watched the movie 'Zoolander'. Pretty funny actually. I was somewhat surprised. LoL! Jenn left shortly after that and I ended up staying and talking with Heather until about 9pm. (If I was her I'd be way sick of me. Hahah!) It was a lot of fun though. I finally left out of pity for her cuz she seemed ready to crash. LoL. Alls well though cuz I really did wanna get home to Tom. I sort of missed him. (Heehee!)

Now I gotta I go find something to do to try to keep myself awake for a while. Fun fun fun for the whole family! ^_^

Stressed. Money. Stressed. Grr...

*sigh* Been very aware lately of our financial state. As in...we don't have enough of the financials. I mean we are getting by (which I guess is really the most important thing), but it's literally month to month and after food and bills we have really nothing left. Granted WoW is something that could be given up, but really that wouldn't make a huge difference either.

I've been trying to look for things that I could maybe do at home to make a few extra bucks, and of course everything I've seen is obvious bs that has some outrageous sign up fee of no less than $50. No thank you. I know I'm not going to find work online, but sometimes it's nice to look. Like when you go to a store and can't help but try on that really sexy black dress even though you know you can't afford to buy. Well, sort of...

I also keep thinking that I should maybe try to get a second job during the day. It would definitely have to just be something part time cuz there's no way I could handle working 2 full time jobs. If only...I'm sure that would help out with Money Matters in a huuuuge way.

So yeah...we looked at our online bank account this morning and it was at about -$26. So yeah...I think that's what's got me all hot n bothered right now. The need for making better money than we are though has been something that's been on my mind for some time.

Of course probably the biggest issue is that I'm sure there'd be plenty (or some at least) jobs I could get where'd I'd feel better off financially, and no doubt they all require some sort of college degree. The problem there is even with how little we seem to make it still seems like we probably make too much for either Tom or I to qualify for a grant. And we CAN'T afford to actually pay for even one of us to go to college. Grr at me for not doing better in highschool and getting some sort of....oh snap...I can't even think of the term right now. It'll come to me later I'm sure but ya'll know what I'm talking about (I hope).

Course not much sense in worrying about all this too much right this second I guess. I have to be up in about 6 hours cuz we have to go to Grandma's tonight to take showers. Curse having a water heater that doesn't work (not that the water pressure was any good I guess). I really really kid you not when I say that Tom's Mom is crazy for wanting to live in a trailer for the rest of her life. I definitely want to live in a house one day. Sooner would be better, but before that I need to remedy the situation I've just posted on...

Frustrated. Can there be a new me?

Okay, so I've been thinking for some time now (especially with people like Jess & Karilynn both working so hard to change themselves) that I want to try to jump on the band wagon myself and really finally make that lifestyle choice to look better and be healthier. Now your whole life whenever you say the stuff like "Oh, yeah, I think I need to lose weight" a lot of the times anyone who is (or ever has been) bigger than what you are say things like "Oh you look fine...look at me!" I don't even wanna hear that from anybody, cuz the fact is that I'm 5'6" (roughly) at (currently) 160lbs. and I barely have enough energy to make it thru my work week, and sometimes I can't make it thru the work week. I'm am happy that in the last month and a half (give or take) I lost about 10 pounds because I've had a sudden loss of appetite and have been eating less. However the last time I actually checked my weight and realized that then I'd only lost another pound, that was when my brain said, "Okay, eatin' less is only gonna take you so far...now you gotta do your part too."

I gotta say though it's so frustrating for me  and right this moment I want to do it and I feel like I can be motivated to do it...but at the same time I really feel like I'm having to go this alone and that alone I think could end up being my biggest downfall. Tom and I have talked before about both wanting to lose weight and he's said that I might have to push him to get him going. But today when I was finally feeling ready to actually get out and bust ass, he just shrugged and kinda did that "I dunno...." look that those men babies do.

So I went outside alone and all I did really was a few exercises that I could remember from P.E. (and that cool kick thing from my Dad's Tae-Bo tapes), then I took a walk (brisk, but no running) just all around the trailer park and I won't lie when I say I hurt like complete hell! I wasn't outside for maybe about 15 minutes total (and I stopped for a breather a couple times during the walk). I just have a hard time picturing myself being able to expect more than that from myself. And I'm so scared that if I can't get Tom to really want this as much as I do, that I'm going to fail and I know it's selfish of me to say that if I can't do it that it's because he wouldn't do it with me. So, what kind of person does that make me? But at the same time, I really AM scared that if I don't have someone doing this with me that I am going to give up. *sigh*

I just want to be healthier. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not seriously wonder what the hell it is that Tom sees in me. I want to look in the mirror and be able to say "Yessiree Bob, that Tom is one lucky son of a bitch." But it's not like that right now. I'm embarrassed of what I look like. I was embarrassed to be at the beach with my sister and I thought she looked so good in her 2 piece suit (after just having a miscarriage no less) and I felt fat in my one piece! I had all my fat hidden behind my swim suit and I was still hoping that no one there decided that they were going to pay us any attention!

Point is that I'm not happy, and if anyone has any tips or can tell me how you got past this point I'm at now...I could really use it.

Ladidadidaaaaahhhh

So, it's occured to me that the very people who pushed me so hard to start writting on this blogging site seem to now use the site less than I do. ^_^ Curse that facebook for taking away all my interesting blogger.com material. LoL! So, I think that my patience is getting stronger. I'm finding that I'm not getting as irritated with people. Well, I am, but for some reason the irritation isn't bothering me as much. Probably cuz I'm more focused on the fact that I have to leave for work in about 3 hours...*checks clock on computer* make that about 2 1/2 hours. *sigh* I only work three days this week and I'm off early every night, but I still have that "It's only Monday morning" feeling goin' on....you know that one where you just know for a fact that Friday is only a myth that you'll never actually see? And it doesn't help that my sleeping schedule got way out of wack over the weekend so I've been awake since about noon today and I won't even get home till between 6:30 and 7 tomorrow morning. Gonna be hella tired.

I've been feeling really cooped up being at home lately. I dunno it just seems like doing the same old things on the computer are getting well...old. I didn't even get 1/2 way through my dailies today and was like "Yeah, okay...break time!" logged off WoW and watched a few shows on Hulu. Gotta love Hulu. I love watching the biggest loser...I have to be careful and not scroll down far enough to see clips of the show though cuz they post clips from episodes that haven't been posted yet...found out about someone getting voted off becuz of it. *cries* I still watched the episode when it came on the site though. I love that show...probably one of my favorites right now honestly. But I hate Ron. If you watch it you KNOW what I'm talking about. And if you like Ron...wtf??

Okay I'm going to go try to find something to do for a while before I need to start getting ready to go. ^_^